AIEA, Hawaii—Former United Nations Secretary General Boutros-Boutros Ghali and current United Nations Undersecretary for Alphabet Mobilization Yada-Yada Yada announced today the formation of the United Nations International Vowel Assistance Committee. UNIVAC's mandate is "to help the vowel-deprived wherever they may live and to fund vowel relief efforts in the hardest hit areas."

"We have a good stockpile of a's, e's, and o's," said Ng Ng, UNIVAC's Letter Distribution Officer. "We hope to have an adequate supply of i's and u's over the next six months. In the meantime, we can use our extra y's in a pinch."

"Vowels of every description are badly needed," said Cwm Pffft, an activist with the group Consonant Watch. "The people in places such as Srpska Crnja and Hwlffordd are suffering horribly."

When asked to comment on the news, writer and animated film voice specialist Sarah Vowell said, "I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. Leave me alone."